Miscarriage: My Story and What I Would’ve Done Differently
Miscarriage: My Story and What I Would’ve Done Differently
It’s a word that you may hear mentioned often, but the woman’s experience of it is rarely told. So when it happened to me, I was completely unprepared. This is my story of miscarriage – the feelings, physical experience, and the healing.
**Disclaimer: this is an account of my personal experience and is not advice for anyone, nor is it to replace advice from your health care professional.
It was my 4th pregnancy.
I was about 9 weeks when I started spotting – something I’d not experienced during pregnancy before.
I felt concerned, and though I wasn’t planning to have any scans whatsoever during the pregnancy, I felt I should get things checked out.
Despite their being a heart beat and the Dr telling me everything was just fine, with a slightly condescending tone, I knew in my heart it wasn’t fine.
A week later, we were off on our family holiday to Jindabyne, 1400 kilometres from home, for a snow trip with our 3 boys.
After a big trek on the road from South East Qld, and arriving in Jindabyne that night, the next day I started bleeding heavily.
I knew yet. And I wished it wasn’t happening.
My husband drove to the chemist to get me pads.
Confused, upset and unprepared, (I swallowed that intuition), I sat in the car and cried. So much.
What happened? Had I done something wrong?
I had no idea what to do.
I did know I wasn’t going to check in to a medical Centre, especially in a town I didn’t know.
What was going to happen? How will my body handle this? Questions I didn’t have the answers for.
I’d never heard anyone talk about their experience. Most women go to the Doctor and are booked in for a Dilatation and Curettage (‘D&C’). Instead of your body going through the whole process, it’s a procedure that cleans out your uterus. (Please note: I’m not saying you shouldn’t have one. They have their place.)
We headed to the snow. I tried to keep my mind off things so I could be present with the boys while they enjoyed tobogganing down the snowy hill with their dad.
I didn’t feel like participating. I was bleeding heavily at this point. No pain though.
By the late afternoon, back in the tiny cabin, that had no toilet or bathroom – there was only the public facility – I squatted over a bucket in our tiny bedroom, while the bleeding continued.
I didn’t want to be sitting in a public toilet. I wanted to be with my family.
Then cramps started. This shocked me. It was like being in labour!
I had no idea my body would do this. They were quite full on, and regular.
Finally, after a couple of hours, I lay down and went to sleep and some time later that they subsided.
The next day I went to the public toilet to empty the bucket, early before anyone else may have been up. As I sat on the toilet, I felt something pass and heard it splash into the bowl.
I had passed the tiny fetus.
I was in absolute shock. This is not what I expected.
I stood looking at what I’d only ever seen in the books – it looked exactly the same, this small 10 week old little Being. I guess it made sense that it would come away – but never had I heard anyone speak about this. To be prepared for this.
Two days later, after leaving Jindabyne and heading back home that I passed the placenta.
The placenta was about as big as fried egg and I decided to wrap it up and bring it home with us to bury with a tree planting.
But it wasn’t over.
Again, my intuition kicked in.
I seem to be highly in tune when pregnant. Most mamas are.
I had the thought of “how do I know if all the placenta came away?“.
When we arrived home I called a very wise and trusted midwife/birth worker, who told me if any placenta was retained I’d feel a weird sharp pain and massaging the tummy would help it release.
Sure enough, about 2 days after talking with her, I had a sudden pang of pain like I’ve never felt before and I quickly sat on the toilet and massaged my tummy.
A piece of placenta, a bit bigger than the size of a golf ball, came away.
And I knew I was ok.
After the few days of confusion, grief, pain and shock I slowly started to get back to daily life.
But here’s what I wish I’d known:
My body, even though was only pregnant for about 10 weeks, still went through big hormonal changes.
If I’d known back then what I know now, about nourishing my body, I would have honoured myself so much more.
This is what I would have done:
- Increased my iron intake, with raspberry leaf tea and a herbal liquid tincture.
- Magnesium baths (mix of Epsom salts & Mag chloried flakes)
- Nourishing chicken broth and vege broths
- Booked in for a nurturing massage
- Stepped back from house chores for a week (I did step back from teaching yoga classes for a time).
- Talked to someone for emotional support apart from my mum and husband.
If you’re either ready to have a baby, currently have a baby or have miscarried, please honour yourself with nourishing foods for optimum recovery and seek the support you need.
If you’re not sure what that looks like, book in a session with me and we’ll work together to have you feeling nourished, supported and confident to be the mama you want to be.
Blessings and love
Tara
Get your FREE Mama’s Postpartum Wellness Guide
